We're Getting Deeper and Deeper and Deeper Into the Unknown
by Emjen Enla
Summary: [Complete] This is what the Jedi Order has become…


**Title: We're Getting Deeper and Deeper and Deeper Into the Unknown**

 **Author: Emjen Enla (Fanfiction)/emjen_enla (Wattpad)/emjenenla (Tumblr)**

 **Teaser: This is what the Jedi Order has become… [A collection of scenes exploring the Jedi Order over the course of the Clone Wars, features Canon and Legends characters as well as OCs.]**

 **Rating: PG-13/T**

 **Canon/Timeline: Legends (Which means that** _ **Rebels**_ **doesn't exist. I mention this because I'm going for** _ **Shatterpoint**_ **-style Depa Billaba in this.); spans the whole of the Clone Wars with some timeline adjustments in the EU material (I had to move stuff around to incorporate Jabiim)**

 **Dominant Characters: various (contains OCs)**

 **Pairings: Anidala, Kass Todd/Mak Lotor, 2 OC/OC pairings (one Jedi/Clone, one Jedi/Jedi)**

 **Warnings: some heavy topics, OCs (if you don't like them), spoilery stuff for the characters Karnia and Nax from** _ **Running Rampant**_ **.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own** _ **Star Wars**_ **or "State of Emergency" by Pillar which the title comes from.**

* * *

 _ **An explanation:**_

 _ **This story is me stepping out on a limb and doing something that people might not like. To give you some background, I used to be the queen of OCs. While working on this story, I spent a lot of time going through a listing of my old OCs, most of whom haven't seen the light of day since I started posting on Wattpad. This listing is eleven pages long and it's only a list of Clone Wars-era Jedi, which should give you an idea of just how many I have. Why did I abandon all these OCs? Because as I'm sure you all know, OCs in serious fanfiction are a massive taboo.**_

 _ **The Fanfiction community's hatred of OCs is something that's never made sense to me. We don't care when people post—for example—smut or at least the people who do care just avoid it and that's that. However, if a thirteen-year-old loving posts their first story about a self-insert OC people hate on them. That doesn't make any sense because pretty much everyone has a self-insert OC whether or not they actually posted stories about them. I have two, both of whom appear in this story because even though they're clichés they're like old friends who I've neglected for too long.**_

 _ **I'll admit, when I started this story I didn't intend to write this Author's Note. I didn't realize this needed to be written until I tried writing an explanation of this story. Once I did my reservations about posting this story and my feelings on the whole "OC issue" spilled out and you got this. (Which, by the way, is probably the longest Author's Note I've ever written about a single subject.)**_

 _ **Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story. I had a blast writing it and taking a walk down memory lane back to the time when Emjen Enla was a character in my stories and not my penname. Here you'll encounter a host a Canon and Legends Jedi alongside an army of originals. You'll meet my self-inserts, Emjen and Rebecca, and remake the acquaintance of Jetki Amarroo from**_ **Last Breath** _ **and Karnia and Nax from**_ **Running Rampant** _ **. All the OCs here are several years old but I reworked the backstories for almost all of them. That means I'm going to have to make a new listing as soon as I'm done here so I won't forget the changes I made!**_

 _ **So, enjoy my friends, and may the Force be with you,**_

 _ **Emjen**_

* * *

" **Beginning"**

 _Yoda (Canon)_

The list was massive.

Yoda had seen a lot of casualty reports in his almost nine hundred years but never one this large. The sheer number of Jedi who had died on Geonosis was staggering.

All around him, the other members of the Council poured over the same list of names. Their collective shock clouded the Force and battered against their grieving souls. One by one, they finished reading and looked up, waiting for Yoda to tell them that everything was going to be alright.

Yoda knew better than to admit that he had no idea if everything was going to be alright. You didn't live as long as he had without learning some sense of tact. He took a deep, calming breath and collected his thoughts before he spoke.

"Great is the blow stuck on the Order," he said. "Difficult to recover it will be, and to war we must now go."

"Geonosis was a disaster," Mace Windu muttered, his head bowed. Yoda knew the normally stoic Jedi well enough to know that he felt responsible for all the dead.

"Nothing can we do to change that now," Yoda said, resolving to meditate with Mace at the next possible opportunity. "Time it is, to figure out how to go on, and to honor our dead."

 **"Alone"**

 _Tallisibeth "Scout" Enwandung-Esterhazy (Legends)_

It was almost funny how causally Master Leen had delivered the news. He'd basically just walked up to Scout and said "Hey, your master's dead, but don't be sad; just release your feelings to the Force and move on. I'm sure you'll get a new master soon."

He never seemed to consider that maybe Master Kim had actually meant something to Scout. He'd never seemed to consider that maybe Scout wouldn't be able to just accept that her master had gone and gotten shot on Geonosis and left her alone. He definitely had never seemed to consider that maybe no one else knew what Master Kim had seen in Scout; that maybe without Master Kim Scout would never get another chance to become a Jedi Knight.

Scout decided that she didn't like Master Leen.

Still, she knew better than to let anyone know that, and she knew better to let anyone see her grieve for her master. She picked herself up and went to class, back in the position of the Force-weak Initiate no one thought would ever become a Jedi.

She tried to pretend Master Kim's absence didn't haunt her.

" **Ready"**

 _Obi-Wan Kenobi (Canon)_

"I'm not sure…"

"An answer that is not, Knight Kenobi," Yoda said in a tone somewhere between gentle and snappish. "Decisive you must be."

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and tried to do as the Grand Master said, unfortunately he was less than successful. "I'm truly not sure, Master."

"All Masters of senior padawans were instructed to consider whether their apprentice was ready for promotion," Mace Windu said. "Why didn't you do so?"

"I didn't think Anakin was being considered," Obi-Wan admitted. "He's only been in training for ten years. The other seniors have been training almost twice the time he has."

"Yes," Adi Gallia said. "But he has progressed with astonishing speed; he is one of the most advanced seniors in spite of his late beginning."

"It sounds as if you've already made up your minds," Obi-Wan said.

Mace Windu pursed his lips and inclined his head slightly. "Maybe we have."

" **Promotion"**

 _Xiaan Amersu (OC)_

She wasn't sure what she'd expected becoming a knight to be like, but it wasn't like this.

When she'd dreamed of her knighting, she had never seen herself as a confused and shocked twenty-year-old who hadn't taken the Trials and kept being surprised by the absence of the bead chain she'd worn as a padawan braid.

She struggled to keep her lekku from trashing around with her nerves as she hurried through the training level of the Jedi Temple. She had less than five minutes to appear before the Council. She was going to be assigned a legion of clone troops and probably given her first mission. She didn't think she was ready for this. She'd never even thought about being a general before, how was she supposed to lead troops?

She was vaguely aware of the Initiates who crowded down the hall on their way to their lessons. They were staring at her. She hoped she was composed enough to look like a Jedi Knight hurrying to do her duty rather than a terrified senior padawan trying to fill boots too big for her. She made another effort to still her lekku.

The eyes were too much, she turned down the first quiet hallway she could find. She needed to get away from all the little beings judging her.

" **Training"**

 _Bineaveda "Rain" Glarda (OC)_

Rain dragged her eyes away from the Twi'lek Jedi Knight as the woman turned a corner and vanished from sight. She wished she were a Jedi Knight, if she was she'd be out in the big, wide galaxy making Dooku and the Separatists pay for all the Jedi who had died on Geonosis. Unfortunately, she was just a youngling, which meant she was stuck in extra lightsaber combat classes with Ilena Xan—a.k.a. Iron Hand, one of the toughest teachers in the Temple.

Iron Hand was waiting in the training room, glaring like the younglings in Rain's Clan had personally offended her. "Come on!" she snapped. "Get moving!"

"Class doesn't start for another five minutes," Rain said. "We've got time."

Saying that had been a mistake, Iron Hand's eyes narrowed even more. "Are you dense?" she whispered-hissed. "We are at war. Soon you will be a padawan and it is my job to make sure that you are ready."

"But-" Rain said, not even sure what argument she was trying to make.

"I have been too soft with you all in the past," Iron Hand interrupted her. "You must become much better fighters than you currently are. The galaxy's a different place now, and you might not always have someone bigger to protect you."

" **Pack"**

 _Kass Todd (Legends)_

This was the end. There was no one to be counted on. It was just her and Mak, facing oblivion. On other parts of the mud-soaked plain, the rest of the Pack was facing the same. Somewhere far beyond the battle Anakin Skywalker was boarding a gunship and leaving, saved by the pure fact that the Supreme Chancellor thought he was important.

Kass refused to let herself feel jealous about that. She knew exactly how this battle was going to end and she refused to go to her death in a way unbefitting of a Jedi. Anakin was lucky, yes, but the fact that even one of them was being delivered from this fate was miracle; she should be happy.

The droids were marching closer and closer. She ignited her lightsaber and held it out to her side, with the other hand she reached for Mak. His fingers were cold and wet from rain and mud, but they were his and she never wanted to let go of them again.

Of course, that was impossible, because the droids were coming closer and closer and bringing with them fate. As much as she wanted to, she could never hold on to Mak forever.

" **Making"**

 _Shaak Ti (Canon)_

"You cannot be serious," Shaak Ti said looking at each of the Council members in turn. She was looking for someone who thought this was as insane as she did, but they were all looking calm and contented with the plan. "This is a bad idea. He only just became a knight and she's not old enough to be a padawan!"

"I began training Anakin as soon as I became a knight," Obi-Wan said, "And he was only nine."

Blast, she'd been counting on Obi-Wan to be against this idea. He was the only member of the Council who could be counted on to consistently argue in Anakin Skywalker's favor. Since this would almost certainly something Anakin would be against, she'd figured it would go without saying that Obi-Wan would be on her side. However, it seemed that she was wrong.

"You really think this is a good idea?" she asked the Council at large. "This won't end the way you want it to; he'll just get attached to her. Why do you think giving him a _child_ to care for in the middle of a _war_ is going to result in anything else?"

"Control your emotions, Master Ti," Mace Windu said. "You're being irrational. Everyone else thinks this is a good idea, even Masters Kenobi and Koon who have much more experience with Knight Skywalker and Initiate Tano than you. Let your feelings go; this is the right thing."

"I am in control of my emotions," She snapped. "But I feel that we will regret this. This will end badly."

No one listened to her.

" **Chosen"**

 _Ahsoka Tano (Canon)_

Master Yoda dropped the news like an active thermal detonator and then expected her to take it with the calm of a true Jedi.

Needless to say, she failed epically.

"But-I-really-I don't know what to- _How_?" she spluttered. There had to have been some mistake. She was too young. Sure, the Initiates in her advanced classes were all becoming padawans but she'd assumed she would have to wait until she turned thirteen like all younglings did. She knew she was good enough for advanced lightsaber classes, but she hadn't thought she was good enough to become a padawan early.

That wasn't even the most shocking part of Master Yoda's news.

" _Anakin Skywalker?_ " She breathed. "But…but…he's the Chosen One, and he chose _me_?"

Master Yoda stared up at her, his eyes cool and placid like a Jedi's should be. "Chosen you were not."

Ahsoka wasn't sure what he was talking about, everyone was chosen as a padawan; there was no other way to do it. "What do you mean?"

"Assigned by the Council you were," Master Yoda. "Know he is receiving padawan, Knight Skywalker does not. Explain it to him you will, when arrive on Christophsis you do."

 _So you're just going to make me do the explaining. That will be fun._ The thought flashed through her mind before she could stop it. She struggled to release the annoyance and hoped that Master Yoda hadn't felt it. "Christophsis?" she asked quietly.

"Currently on Christophsis, Knight Skywalker and Master Kenobi are," Master Yoda said. "Out of contact they are. Go to them, you will, with a message from the Council."

" **Rage"**

 _Luminara Unduli (Canon)_

Luminara was worried.

Specifically, Ahsoka Tano worried her. The scene the young padawan had pulled with Nute Gunray had been shocking. Jedi didn't threaten to gut their enemies just because they were displeased, no matter how effective it might be. Ahsoka should have known better than that, but she'd done it anyway.

If Luminara had to pick one person to blame for Ahsoka's unJedi-like behavior, it would be Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan's former apprentice had a reputation for emotional behavior that had manifested in numerous fistfights during his padawan years. Luminara wasn't sure what the Council had been thinking giving that Jedi Knight an apprentice. He obviously had issues of his own to work out, that kind of knight couldn't be expected to properly train an apprentice. Anakin Skywalker shouldn't even be a knight; he wouldn't be if it wasn't for the War.

In the end that was what it always came down to. The base of all these new problems was the conflict they were currently involved in. If the War hadn't started, Anakin Skywalker would still be a padawan and would remain so until he mastered his emotions and became a proper Jedi. Ahsoka Tano would still be in the crèche not out on the battlefield being corrupted by an unprepared master. If the War hadn't started, the Jedi Order would be just as it always had been.

" **Shouldn't"**

 _T'mah Rizzy (OC)_

"We shouldn't be doing this," she whispered against his lips.

He shifted slightly, pulled away. They were lying together on the narrow bunk in her quarters, just kissing and trying not to think about the state of the galaxy. He was still wearing his armor in case someone called and they had to leave suddenly. The plastoid plates were uncomfortable to lay against, but the heat of her body warmed them.

"What do you mean?" he asked, blinking at her with those wide brown eyes that always managed to seem so unique even though he shared them with thousands of other physically identical men.

"You know what I mean, Flash" she said.

"We've talked about this before," Flash said. "Many times. I thought we decided we didn't care."

"I know," she said. "But things have changed. I have a padawan now. What if Jetki finds out about us? We can't possibly expect her to understand."

"She won't find out," he said. "We'll be careful; we've always been careful. We've fooled everyone else, why not a thirteen-year-old?"

She sighed. "I suppose you're right, but I can't help but worry."

He smiled softly and fingered one of her delicate, pale blue lekku. "You should let the worry go for once, Tee."

She snorted softly. "I'm in charge, it's kind of my job."

"Then don't be in charge," Flash said. "At least not now."

She grinned. "Very well," and pressed kissed him again.

" **Unlucky"**

 _Jetki Amarroo (OC)_

Two hours after Dushti Morbesh died, Jetki was sitting on top of an AT-TE. She'd been up there all alone since they'd brought the body back to the base, trying not to think about what had happened. She was so lost in her frantic denial of the truth that she almost didn't notice that she was no longer alone.

T'mah—Jetki's master—climbed up onto the top of the walker. She was followed closely by Commander Flash. Those two always seemed to be together even when there was no obvious reason. Still, Jetki understood that she was a young padawan and she figured if she were older she'd understand why her master's behavior was necessary.

T'mah sank down onto the walker roof beside Jetki. Flash sat more stiffly on her other side. "We have Dushti's body in one of the command tents," T'mah said. "We left to give Master Farborn a moment to say goodbye to her padawan."

Jetki nodded numbly. For several minutes none of them said anything, then T'mah took a deep breath. "Are you alright?"

Jetki sighed and pursed her lips. After a minute she allowed herself to admit the thing that she'd been trying to ignore. "That could have been me," she said. "It probably should have been me."

T'mah raised an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"

"Dushti was older," Jetki said. "He had way more training than I did! He was closer to being a knight. His chances were better."

"Maybe you were just lucky," Flash said with a sort of sad almost-smile.

Jetki sighed. "More like Dushti was unlucky."

" **Half"**

 _Rayi Dakora (OC)_

Twenty minutes after she received the message Rayi Dakora was in Master Leen's chambers ready to face a Sith Lord.

"What is the meaning of this?" She asked waving her datapad in front of the head crèche master's face.

"That's your new orders," Master Leen said. "The Council is worried about our numbers. We're losing more Jedi than we're gaining, this will booster the ranks."

There was a telling pause then he asked, "Is there a problem?"

"Yes!" Rayi snapped. "It says here that I need to choose ten of my Initiates for promotion. There are only twenty children in Clawmouse Clan, that's the same as telling me to arbitrarily send half of them into a war zone!"

Master Leen heaved a sigh. "You're supposed to pick the most advanced ten; that's not arbitrary."

"The most advanced?" Rayi spat. "They're _years_ from padawan age. Just because Ahsoka Tano was ready doesn't mean the rest are!"

Master Leen looked up at her, he looked sad and tired. "I know, Rayi, and I agree with you wholeheartedly, but these orders come directly from the Council; there's nothing I do."

" **Pathetic"**

 _Addley Zybar (OC)_

Master Tand's body hit the ground with a heavy thud, and Addley knew her life was over.

Count Dooku turned away from the body of Addley's master, his red lightsaber held elegantly in one hand. His dark, cold eyes focused on Addley, crumpled in the corner. Addley wanted to get up and run, but her injuries were too great. Her leg was twisted strangely and every breath burned from the gaping lightsaber burn in her side. She'd lost track of both hers and Master Tand's lightsabers, she was completely unarmed and helpless.

A sob burst from her mouth, even though she knew Jedi didn't cry. She'd been so proud when she'd been selected to become a padawan early, but now she'd give anything to be back in the crèche with Master Dakora. She wouldn't even care if she was in the Ag-Corps, as long as she was anywhere but here facing her death.

Count Dooku crossed the handful of strides between them and reached down with his free hand. He grasped her chin and tilted her face so he could see the tears in the red glow from his lightsaber. "Interesting," he said. "How old are you, child?"

"Eleven," Addley gasped. _Please don't kill me._ She thought, but managed to hold the words inside by biting her tongue. Jedi didn't beg.

"Hm," Dooku made a clicking sound with his tongue like he was a crèche master reprimanding her. "Pathetic. The Jedi Order used to have standards."

Then he kicked her wounded side and walked away.

" **Little"**

 _Karnia Neeka (OC)_

Addley Zybar was panting, sobbing, and gasping for breath. She jerked away from the healers who were trying to clean her heinous wounds. Her distress drove all thoughts of secrets from Karnia's mind. Addley was completely hysterical and had been since she bad been found sobbing over the body of her master.

When the Council had sent Anakin Skywalker and the 501st to find Larz Tand and Addley, everyone had been expecting the mission to be body retrieval; no one had expected Addley to still be alive. Some of the other healers were marveling about Dooku's mercy, but Karnia had had some personal experience with Dooku in the past and knew that mercy was not one of his dominant traits. Dooku hadn't left Addley alive because he felt sorry for her; he'd spared her life because an injured, terrified, too-young, rookie padawan was no threat to his plans. She simply hadn't been worth the effort of killing her.

"Karnia, grab a hypo of sedatives," Master Che ordered, without turning away from Addley. "She's resisting. I can't put her under with the Force."

Something changed when the various healers heard that, for a brief instant everything but the frantic thrashing of the terrified child stopped. The healers all knew that when Master Che couldn't put someone into a healing trance, things were bad.

The moment was broken when Karnia grabbed a hypo and handed it over. Master Che injected it into Addley's neck with practiced ease and the child began to calm.

Master Che heaved a sigh and leaned back against the wall. "Alright," she said. "Now we get to work. Karnia, can you tell Crèche Master Dakora what's happening? I think it would do Padawan Zybar well to have a familiar face nearby once all this is over."

"Yes, Master," Karnia said and darted out of the room. She was relieved, she had been afraid to help with the actual healing. Healers were extremely sensitive and she was afraid that her secret might be discovered if she wasn't careful…

" **Baby"**

 _Naxus "Nax" Mallu (OC)_

"You're kidding," Nax breathed.

Karnia frowned at him. "You think I'd joke about something like this?"

"No," Nax blew out a breath and looked around the empty room they had snuck into. His hands shook, but he wasn't sure if that was from the exertion of knitting together Addley Zybar's wounds with the Force or from the news Karnia had just dropped on him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Karnia said.

Nax sat down on the unoccupied medical bed and pressed his palms to his eyes. He'd both known—they'd _both_ known—when they'd started down this path that they would live to regret it. However, he'd expected to face expulsion, he hadn't expected a baby. He couldn't fathom it; he was a Jedi, he'd never considered becoming a father and knew Karnia had never given becoming a mother any thought either.

He lifted his head to stare at Karnia. "I don't know what to do."

She chewed on her lip as she shook her head. "I don't either."

" **Need"**

 _Vokara Che (Legends)_

Karnia's bit of "news" was the last thing Vokara Che needed to hear.

"Karnia," she said, "I don't know what to say aside from that I'm very disappointed. I thought you and Nax had more sense than this."

Karnia bowed her head, hands clasped before her. She was the same perfect image of obedience that she had always been. The juxtaposition between that manner and the confession she'd just made was startling. "I'm sorry, Master. I have deeply shamed the tenets of the-"

"Be quiet and let me think," Vokara snapped. Karnia's lips closed so tightly they almost ceased to exist.

Vokara pressed her fingertips against her temples in an attempt to ease her headache. She needed a meditative retreat. A long one.

Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen, not the while the Clone War raged, demanding an increasing number of miracles from the Jedi Order's healers. Ever healer was needed and that was why Karnia and Nax's dalliance was so inopportune.

"How far along are you?" she asked.

"A couple weeks," Karnia admitted, eyes still fastened on the floor. "But I don't think I'm going to miscarry; the child feels strong."

Vokara sighed and studied her extremely limited options, there was really only one practical one. A small, almost hysterical chuckle escaped her. The Council was going to kill her for this. "Very well then, we just won't mention it to anyone for now."

Karnia jerked her head up, eyes wide with confusion. "But, Master, the Code-"

"You've already broken the Code, Karnia," Vokara said. "We're in the middle of the War. If we don't have as many healers as possible, Jedi are going to die. I do not approve of anything you and Nax have done, but I need both of you. You've left me with little other choice."

" **Checking"**

 _Mace Windu (Canon)_

When Mace Windu arrived at the Halls of Healing and asked for Vokara Che, one of the healer padawans said she was in her office and lead Mace down a narrow hallway to the aforementioned room.

Vokara was sitting in her desk chair and frowning at the far wall, deep in thought. It took several seconds before she looked up and acknowledged Mace. "Hello, Master Windu," she said shaking herself out of whatever thoughts had gripped her. "What can I do for you?"

"I was just stopping by to check on Depa," Mace said. He kept his voice flat and emotionless, but his heart was pounding in anticipation. _Please let there be some kind of change._

Vokara sighed. "I'm sorry, there's no change."

Mace's heart sunk into his stomach but he took the news without a change of expression, he wasn't the second-highest ranking Jedi in the Order for nothing. "How good are the chances that there will be a change?"

Vokara sucked in a breath through her nose. "I can't say. Every day that she remains in this coma, the odds get worse."

Mace knew that, but he hadn't wanted to actually hear it. He nodded curtly. "Thank you for everything you're doing for her, Master Che."

"Mace," Vokara said, her voice gentle. "It's okay to admit that you're worried about her, I won't tell."

"Vokara-" Mace said. "I can't just…I'm in _charge_."

"No one will blame you," Vokara said. "We all feel grief when things happen to our apprentices that we didn't want."

Her words had turned strangely introspective. Mace wondered what she was thinking of, but asking seemed far too personal. Instead he just nodded. "I suppose you're right."

" **Become"**

 _Barriss Offee (Canon)_

The day of the bombing, Barriss didn't leave the Temple. That would be too suspicious. She had no illusions about the explosion being mistaken for an accident, in fact she didn't want it to. She wanted the Jedi to know that someone didn't worship them and wouldn't hesitate to strike out against them. The thing she didn't want was to run afoul of whoever was assigned with the investigation of the bombing. Conveniently being outside the Temple when the explosion happened would be too suspicious.

So she went to meditate in a small meditation chamber on the side of the Temple opposite the hanger. She'd expected it to be empty, but it wasn't. When she arrived, there were two younglings already there. They were eight or nine, and they sat on adjoining meditation pads, eyes closed, faces masks of childish serenity. Barriss almost turned and left, but that would be strange and she couldn't be suspicious.

She folded herself onto a meditation pad across from the younglings and tried to relax. Normally she was very good meditator, but today she couldn't settle. The younglings were bothering her. They weren't doing anything, but their mere presence tormented her. Would there be younglings in the hanger? She couldn't believe she hadn't thought to check what the training schedules for the day were. She had resided herself to the deaths of the Temple workers and whatever Jedi might be in the hanger, she wanted to make a statement that the Council would have to acknowledge and that was the price. However she had no desire to kill children, she wasn't sure she could live with herself knowing that she'd orchestrated the deaths of innocents who'd committed no crime other than being taken by Jedi baby snatchers.

She took a deep breath and forced those thoughts away. She had to remain calm; she couldn't risk these younglings getting even a trace of her anxiety. It was too late to turn back, she told herself. Letta Turmond had already fed Jackar Bowmani the Nano-droids, and he was already at work in the hanger. The explosion would happen any minute now, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. She had to stay strong and go through with this. This was her chance; her chance to strike out against what the Jedi Order had become…

" **Matter"**

 _Kipp Darjin (OC)_

"You guys are all going to sit there like shaaks?" Kipp snarled to the group of padawans surrounding him in his cramped sleeping quarters. "You're not going to say anything?"

"What's there to say?" Ahndra Tacks answered. "It's over."

"They kicked her out!" Kipp near-shouted.

"She _chose_ to leave," Ahndra argued. "The Council offered to take her back."

"After they kicked her out for something she swore up and down she didn't do!" Kipp's heart was racing faster than he had ever felt it before. "Can you blame her for leaving?"

"We're supposed to trust the Council," Pite Delab said. "They know best; that's why they're in charge."

"Really?" Kipp's feelings boiled over, he couldn't keep his voice down anymore. "Tell that to Bartt and Wahee and Tage who didn't even live long enough to become seniors! Tell that to Addley who hasn't been the same since that run-in with Dooku! Tell that to Ahsoka who the Council _abandoned_ as soon as she needed them!"

"Kipp," Ahndra whispered. "You need to calm down."

Kipp refused to calm down. "You don't get it!" he screamed. "Ahsoka was the padawan of the _Chosen One_ , if she didn't matter to the Council what makes you think you do?"

" **Knights"**

 _Tru Veld (Legends)_

"Kipp's leaving the Order," Thenn Ky-So said, staring down into the mug of tea in his hands.

"Why?" Tru looked over at the other knight. "I thought he loved being a Jedi."

Thenn heaved out a sigh, the loss of his padawan made him look a hundred years older. "His faith in the Order was deeply shaken by that business with Ahsoka Tano."

The group of knights—all young, members of the class of senior padawans who'd been hurriedly promoted after the first Battle of Geonosis—nodded in understanding.

"I've been having similar problems with my padawan," Rebecca Sonson admitted. "Emri's not talking about leaving, but she feels like her life is worthless, like the Council would just throw her aside if it was convenient. I don't know what to say to her because having the same doubts," she spread her arms in a sharp gesture that sloshed tea over the rim of her mug. "Obviously I can't tell her that."

"I know exactly how you feel," Kodon Kaymu said, then after a beat he added, "I think we all do."

They sunk back into silence. Tru sipped his tea and tried to narrow his focus so all he was thinking about was the warm liquid. Life had been so much simpler before the War. He wished for those days more than he ever had anything else.

"I think it's time someone acknowledged the bantha in the room," Canda-Sarah Benvarrak said after a while, setting aside her mug. "Where's Anakin? He hasn't been around since the day of Ahsoka's trial. He hasn't been reassigned, so he's still on Coruscant. The question is: where?"

The knights looked at each other. Tru thought of his padawanhood. He remembered the flimsiplast sketchbooks Anakin had kept. They'd been full of images of droids and starships and circuits and a certain Naboo politician with a nice smile and curly dark hair. Tru sighed and shook his head. "Canda, I don't think we want to know the answer to that question."

" **Worried"**

 _Emjen Enla (OC)_

"Master," Emjen whispered, "Do you ever wonder if this war is destroying us?"

Deelra Lefe sighed. "All the time, when I'm thinking about you especially."

"Really?" Emjen didn't turn to look to her master, she kept her eyes focused on the stars above her head. From this distance you couldn't tell that those were the stars of a galaxy at war.

"Your apprenticeship is much different than mine was," Deelra said, Emjen thought she was staring desperately up at the stars as well, but she wouldn't be able to tell for certain without turning her head. "I worry that you're being trained too heavily in the art of war and that you'll be unable to adapt to a life at peace when this all ends."

Now Emjen did look at her master. As she'd suspected, Deelra's gaze was locked on the stars. "I can handle whatever the galaxy throws at me, Master."

"I know," Deelra said. "But you shouldn't have to deal with this. This life of blood and death isn't what anyone wanted for you."

"But the galaxy is in trouble," Emjen said. "I have skills that can be used to help; I can't just sit by."

"It's okay to admit you rather be somewhere else," Deelra said. "There are days I desperately wish I was still a padawan."

Deelra never talked like that, so Emjen was worried. Her master seemed so control all the time, it was easy to forget she had been in Emjen's position not long ago. "Are you okay?" Emjen asked.

Finally, Deelra turned her head and smiled at Emjen. "I'm fine. Just tired. And worried."

" **Hit"**

 _Saesee Tiin (Canon)_

Saesee pushed his fighter to its limits as he raced after the shuttle that contained Grievous and Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. His whole being was a combination of intense focus and the Force. He would not fail in this mission.

His comm crackled and it took him a minute to realize someone was speaking to him. "Yes? Repeat that, please?"

"This is Master Windu," Mace sounded vaguely flustered which was completely understandable given the way this day was going. "I asked for a report on your position."

"I'm in pursuit of General Grievous and his hostage," Saesee said. "They will not get away."

"Good," Mace said. "I just received a report from Master Kenobi and Knight Skywalker; they'll be here in a matter of hours. Hopefully, we won't need them."

"I couldn't agree more," Saesee said. He pushed on the throttle of his fighter, trying to get a little more speed out of the machine. He was so close.

Then the whole ship bucked, alarms started to sound. Saesee cursed as a tri-fighter swooped over his head, both he and his clone escort had missed it. He played with the controls, trying to see how bad the damage was and if he could keep going. However he was already losing speed; the engines were failing.

"Saesee?" Mace's voice asked over the comm. "Are you alright?"

Saesee heaved a sigh. "I'm hit," he said. "Looks like we're going to need Kenobi and Skywalker after all."

" **66"**

 _Aayla Secura (Canon)_

The Felucian jungles were hot and smelly and Aayla was more than ready to be done with them. Felucia had been a battleground in this war for too long; it was time to win the battle and move on.

Thankfully, that was close to being true. She could feel it. Dooku was gone and hopefully Grievous would soon be as well. The War was almost over, and its never-ending nightmare would soon be a distant memory.

Still, something didn't feel right. The Force tingled with some kind of strange, dark anticipation, like they were on the verge of something. Aayla couldn't figure out what it was, but she would meditate on it as soon as she was able.

She felt it before it happened. The tenseness in the Force erupted into a maelstrom of pain and death, as if every Jedi in the galaxy was crying out in fear. She stopped and looked around, trying to figure out where the feeling was coming from. What had happened? Then she became aware of her men lifting their blasters, she turned and realized they were aiming at her.

Shock and betrayal flooded her. In one instant lasted forever, she stared at Bly's T-shaped visor, and then he and the rest of the men opened fire…

" **Ending"**

 _Anakin Skywalker a.k.a. Darth Vader (Canon)_

The steps leading up to the Jedi Temple had never seemed so long. He felt like he could walk forever and would never reach the top. Maybe he didn't even want to. After all, Anakin knew what was going to happen once he did.

Was it okay that he still thought of himself as Anakin? Was he supposed to just switch to calling himself Vader now that he was a Sith Lord? Palpatine—his new master—had given him a new name, but Dooku hadn't used his and even Palpatine didn't use his. Maybe it was okay, Anakin wasn't sure he wanted to be Vader. Anakin Skywalker was the name of Padmé's husband, and he was doing this for her. It didn't feel right to start calling himself something different right when he had found a way to save her.

Deep down inside, he knew that what he was about to do was insane. He knew that Padmé wouldn't approve. He knew that she wouldn't view the lives of every Jedi in the Temple as a fair trade for her own, but she didn't need to know about this, at least not right now. Anakin would wait until after the baby was born and they were a safe, happy family before he considered mentioning this. She would understand eventually and forgive him; she'd forgiven him for the Tusken Raiders, hadn't she?

His boots and the boots of the clones he'd brought with him thumped ominously on the steps as they climbed. Anakin told himself that the never-ending quality of the staircase was an illusion brought on from lack of sleep, they'd be at the top soon and he would prove his worthiness to his new master. He would buy the cost of Padmé's life with blood.

 _This is the end of the Jedi Order,_ Darth Vader thought sardonically, _and it is an end they have brought upon themselves…_

* * *

 **Well, what did you think? What were you favorite portions? Where there any characters you particularly liked?**

 **When I was about hallway through writing this, I realized that my plans for the story would mean that Anakin got talked about a lot but never actually appeared until the last potion. I decided I liked this effect and made sure it stayed.**

 **In other news, fall break is approaching (yay!) and hopefully I'll have more time to write. I'm working on a couple Wattpad requests and (as I'm sure you all already know) a host of other things. Stay tuned!**

 **Please favorite, follow and review if you liked this!**

 **Emjen**

 **P.S. Ilena Xan is a Legends character, she's mentioned in** _ **Yoda: Dark Rendezvous**_ **.**


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